Top five Christmas gifts for an Estonian

Tick-tock, tick-tock – here comes the sound of jingle, jingle, jingle.Christmas Eve is near, and you may be fretting about what to buy that Estonian in your life.*

Maybe you realised a watch just isn’t necessary – always punctual, Estonians have an inner Timex accurate to within plus or minus five minutes.Or maybe the eggs and bacon scented candle under last year’s tree was met with a recipient’s frown.

Yes, a keg fridge or a pool table might be perfect (is my wife reading this?), but maybe you want to gift something a little more personal, something a little more ethnic.So, as an important public service, here is some sage Estonian gift-giving advice:

1. Estonian Scrabble

www.pinterest.com sophiekeast

This popular word-building board game was available in an Estonian language version, but may have been discontinued.Regardless, don’t let that stop you – make your own game board. The problem is, Estonian words are really, really long (uusaastaöövastuvõtuhommikuidüll, anyone?).Plan for a board at least three metres by three metres in area.Also, skip the traditional seven tiles per person rule and go with 42 tiles.Last, don’t be stingy with the umlauted vowels.

2. A hat

Not just any hat though, make sure that personal gift to your beloved Estonian is proportioned for that oversized fair-haired cabbage on their shoulders.Diameter is key here, because a recent study by Tallinn University found that Estonians, on average, have one of the largest noggins known to mankind.Yikes!On the bright side, for cranially exaggerated Estos, maybe phrenology wasn’t a quack science after all?

3. An iPad

Everything is done electronically in Estonia – voting, banking, signatures, registrations etc.Services include e-cabinet, e-law, e-police, e-taxes, e-schools – the list goes on.Apparently, in development are e-vacations, e-beer, and e-copulation. I’m not so sure about any of them though. For example, I prefer my brew made from barley, hops, yeast, and water.Binary code tastes horrible and just doesn’t pack the same punch.

4. The “Estonia is Located Here” app

Available through Google Play and Apple Store, this gift is geared to ex-pats and descendants living abroad.Because let’s face it, when you first tell someone you or your lineage originate from Estonia, you are inevitably met with a puzzled frown.In those times of need, whip out your cell phone, tap the app, and an interactive world map narrated by president Toomas Hendrik Ilves will take your geographically challenged conversation mate for a magical ride through the land of song festivals, unspoiled nature and pickled herring open-faced sandwiches.

5. Emojis

Ah, Estonians – notoriously lacking in the emotion department. Many neuroscientists attribute this straight-faced temperament to an underachieving hippocampus in the brain. In fact, some linguists believe Estonia is based on the root word “stone.” So, this Christmas, give your Esto an assortment of emojis.But don’t stop at those cute computer-generated smiley faces popular in emails and text messages.Think emoji business cards to pass out during business meetings or cocktail parties.Or, perhaps emoji buttons one can pin to their clothes to telegraph their inner feelings to the world.A box of a dozen assorted emojis costs only €35.Less frequent Estonian emotions, including ecstatic joy and touchy-feely, are available à la carte for an additional €4 each.

Häid jõule kõigile! (Merry Christmas to all!)

estonianworld.com
Christmasgifts Estonian
If you notice an error, highlight the text you want and press Ctrl + Enter to report it to the editor
2 views in february
I recommend
No recommendations yet

Comments

Post your comment to communicate and discuss this article.

Politics
Chairman of the Estonian Chamber of Commerce and Industry and one of the owners of construction group Nordecon, Toomas Luman, finds that a prime ministerial candidate should first and foremost be able to answer the question of what will become of the demographic crisis in Estonia. The businessman sees controlled introduction of foreign labor as the solution. A digital construction cluster was created in Estonia a few years back to bring innovation to the s...
Society
Last year saw 27,125 registered offenses, up 0.5 percent from the year before. Violent crime was up by 12 percent to 8,249 offenses. PHOTO: Dominic Lipinski / PA Wire / Press Association Images / Scanpix Growth was biggest for domestic violence – the police launched criminal proceedings in 3,607 cases that constitutes an increase of more than one-third – annual growth of 37 percent from 2,632 cases in 2017. At the same time, reports of domestic violence we...
Society
TALLINN - Ahead of the withdrawal of the United Kingdom from the European Union, tens of thousands of British citizens have chosen the citizenship of some other country, but only one Brit has recently chosen an Estonian citizenship. Spokespeople for the Ministry of the Interior told BNS that only one British citizen submitted an application for Estonian citizenship last year and the applicant was also granted the citizenship. Before that, no Brits had soug...
Society
TALLINN - Experts from Finland, Denmark, Norway and the Netherlands highlighted the importance of decentralization and granting local governments greater decision-making powers at a conference titled "Strong local government -- strong state?" in Tallinn on Wednesday.  All Nordic countries have chosen a model granting local governments significant decision-making powers, thus the central government does not prescribe how local governments are to fulfill the...
Society
The language learning application Drops by game developer Planb Labs, established in Estonia by Hungarian founders, was named Google Play's best app of 2018. With the number of downloads surpassing 10 million, Drops was named Google's app of the year as the revenue of Planb Labs, a company registered in Estonia, increased fivefold, CNBC said. The developer's revenue grew from €335,000 in 2017 to €1.7 million in 2018. The company's shareholders include Hung...
Society
TALLINN - The Estonian Health Board has banned the distribution of chlorine dioxide, also marketed as the Miracle Mineral Supplement (MMS), the A-component of an unused product, meaning the sodium chlorite solution, must be taken to a hazardous waste collection facility. Ester Opik, head of the Health Board's North regional department, said that the banning of the distribution of the product was caused by the fact that MMS, distributed as a cosmetics produ...
Society
Nature cannot abide a vacancy, as the saying goes. If just one year ago, Estonia was battling the sale of MMS and the practice of giving it to children, a new “miracle cure” called Advanced TRS has appeared on the market now. Even though the make-up of the substance is different, the promise to cure autism and cleanse the body of heavy metals, which kind of extreme detox is accompanied by severe side-effects, sounds all too familiar. TRS is recommended to...
Society
Allied NATO battalions will soon mark two years serving in the Baltics. They have worked better than expected but would need prepositioned heavy weaponry and a functional contingency plan in case of a crisis, a report by the International Center for Defense and Security (ICDS) finds. “We do not know how Russia would have acted had we not welcomed allies in Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Poland in 2017. I’m afraid they would have tested our resolve,” one of...
Society
The time of filing income tax returns is nearly upon us. The new income tax system, in effect since last year, will obligate many women who went on maternity leave toward the end of the year to make additional income tax payments, while those who give birth in the middle or at the beginning of the year have no such obligation. What this means is that some women will owe the state simply for giving birth “at the wrong time”. Laura Roop, who went on maternit...