Top five Christmas gifts for an Estonian

Tick-tock, tick-tock – here comes the sound of jingle, jingle, jingle.Christmas Eve is near, and you may be fretting about what to buy that Estonian in your life.*

Maybe you realised a watch just isn’t necessary – always punctual, Estonians have an inner Timex accurate to within plus or minus five minutes.Or maybe the eggs and bacon scented candle under last year’s tree was met with a recipient’s frown.

Yes, a keg fridge or a pool table might be perfect (is my wife reading this?), but maybe you want to gift something a little more personal, something a little more ethnic.So, as an important public service, here is some sage Estonian gift-giving advice:

1. Estonian Scrabble sophiekeast

This popular word-building board game was available in an Estonian language version, but may have been discontinued.Regardless, don’t let that stop you – make your own game board. The problem is, Estonian words are really, really long (uusaastaöövastuvõtuhommikuidüll, anyone?).Plan for a board at least three metres by three metres in area.Also, skip the traditional seven tiles per person rule and go with 42 tiles.Last, don’t be stingy with the umlauted vowels.

2. A hat

Not just any hat though, make sure that personal gift to your beloved Estonian is proportioned for that oversized fair-haired cabbage on their shoulders.Diameter is key here, because a recent study by Tallinn University found that Estonians, on average, have one of the largest noggins known to mankind.Yikes!On the bright side, for cranially exaggerated Estos, maybe phrenology wasn’t a quack science after all?

3. An iPad

Everything is done electronically in Estonia – voting, banking, signatures, registrations etc.Services include e-cabinet, e-law, e-police, e-taxes, e-schools – the list goes on.Apparently, in development are e-vacations, e-beer, and e-copulation. I’m not so sure about any of them though. For example, I prefer my brew made from barley, hops, yeast, and water.Binary code tastes horrible and just doesn’t pack the same punch.

4. The “Estonia is Located Here” app

Available through Google Play and Apple Store, this gift is geared to ex-pats and descendants living abroad.Because let’s face it, when you first tell someone you or your lineage originate from Estonia, you are inevitably met with a puzzled frown.In those times of need, whip out your cell phone, tap the app, and an interactive world map narrated by president Toomas Hendrik Ilves will take your geographically challenged conversation mate for a magical ride through the land of song festivals, unspoiled nature and pickled herring open-faced sandwiches.

5. Emojis

Ah, Estonians – notoriously lacking in the emotion department. Many neuroscientists attribute this straight-faced temperament to an underachieving hippocampus in the brain. In fact, some linguists believe Estonia is based on the root word “stone.” So, this Christmas, give your Esto an assortment of emojis.But don’t stop at those cute computer-generated smiley faces popular in emails and text messages.Think emoji business cards to pass out during business meetings or cocktail parties.Or, perhaps emoji buttons one can pin to their clothes to telegraph their inner feelings to the world.A box of a dozen assorted emojis costs only €35.Less frequent Estonian emotions, including ecstatic joy and touchy-feely, are available à la carte for an additional €4 each.

Häid jõule kõigile! (Merry Christmas to all!)
Christmasgifts Estonian
If you notice an error, highlight the text you want and press Ctrl + Enter to report it to the editor
2 views in december
I recommend
No recommendations yet


Post your comment to communicate and discuss this article.

At the Riigikogu sitting beginning at 10:00 EET on Tuesday, Prime Minister Jüri Ratas (Centre) will provide an overview of the activities of the Estonian government in the implementation of EU policies. Chairman of the European Union Affairs Committee of the Riigikogu Toomas Vitsut (Centre) will also deliver a report, and representatives of the Riigikogu's parliamentary groups will present their positions, according to a Riigikogu press release. In his rep...
Chairman of the opposition Conservative People's Party of Estonia (EKRE) Mart Helme has called on Helir-Valdor Seeder, chairman of junior coalition member Pro Patria to tie the latter's support for the state budget bill to a decision by the government not to support joining the UN Global Compact on Migration. "Pro Patria still has the chance to demand from its coalition partners [the Center Party and the Social Democratic Party (SDE)] that its stances be t...
Political news portal Politico published its list of the most influential people in Europe next year last week, with fifth place going to Estonia’s cybersecurity ambassador Heli Tiirmaa-Klaar. Tiirmaa-Klaar takes her place in between well-known Europeans, after Secretary General of the European Commission Martin Selmayr and in front of Ukrainian presidential hopeful Yulia Tymoshenko. Politico believes Italy’s populist interior minister Matteo Salvini will...
Representatives of the transport ministries of the Baltic states, Finland and Poland who met in Tallinn on Monday were of differing opinions regarding whether to remain in summer or winter time once the practice of changing the clocks twice per year comes to an end. A recent survey indicates that more than half of Estonians would prefer permanent summer time. Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Finland and Poland jointly acknowledged that the agreement to end the...
Ida-Viru Central Hospital is having trouble with patients not showing up to scheduled specialist appointments. To combat this issue, beginning next year, the hospital will start charging visit fees for no-show appointments as well. Last year, patients at Ida-Viru Central Hospital failed to show up for scheduled appointments a total of nearly 9,500 times, accounting for some 5% of all hospital visits, reported ETV news broadcast Aktuaalne kaamera. "Patients...
Tallinn city government finds that it is not reasonable to relocate the Tallinn Bus Station to the Ülemiste district near Tallinn Airport and that it should be left in its current location on Lastekodu Street. In connection with the preparation of an architectural idea competition and the drawing up of a detailed plan for the Ülemiste terminal in the framework of the Rail Baltic railway project, the city is drawing the attention of the Ministry of Economic...
A criminal investigation has been launched into the Medita Clinic, one of the largest private sector bidders in public procurement tenders in the health sector in Estonia. The Northern District Prosecutor's Office initiated the investigation in accordance with the Penal Code section concerning the transmission of false information, according to ETV investigative show Pealtnägija. The Medita Clinic was the largest private provider of specialist medical care...
The Tax and Customs Board (MTA) has signed an agreement with Online accommodation and hospitality marketplace Airbnb which enables hosts to automatically report earnings. The MTA and Airbnb held a joint press conference on Wednesday, announcing the agreement's signing as well as the new system and its rationale. The main premise, according to MTA deputy director Rivo Reitmann, is to keep things simple, meaning that Airbnb hosts who declare their income in...
Luminor notified its clients that as of 1 January, the bank will be closing the accounts of Estonian e-residents that fail to fulfil due diligence. Hannes Oja, head of Anti-Money Laundering at Luminor Estonia, said that based on the Money Laundering and Terrorist Financing Prevention Act, banks are required to update the data of all of their customers, writes daily Eesti Päevaleht (EPL). As a result, all existing clients have to do so themselves on a regul...